For as organized as I am (or, at least, seem to be to other people), if you could see the the inside of my brain on a minute-by-minute basis, you’d be like, “What shaky high school film student footage got lost in here? There’s no plot! Why are there so many abrupt scene cuts? Who made this garbage??” And, for as much as my mind changes direction and seems to land in very obscure (and often scary) places, I’ve never really understood how i stay organized. The organization system is mostly nonsensical, to be fair. It follows arbitrary rules set in place by the lemurs working the levers behind the front desk. (How they got hired is a mystery, but they’re really cute and their contracts are iron-clad.) And the rules change based on the weather or the heart. The more I get to know myself and learn to make peace with the shifting shapes, dark corners and quicksand traps in my brain, the more I think the facade of organization was erected out of fear. Our minds are scary places if we believe every thought is true or that every passing blip reflects our true nature—mine is full of babdooks and long-toothed demons and deep-sea leviathans and even Uncle Boonmee’s monkey ghost son (deep cut, @ me if you know).
But when I’m able to see them change into their costumes behind the scenes, I can start to accept that they’re each just eager actors in a (very poorly directed) play, sticking fiercely to their parts. At first, it never made any sense, and I tried to close the curtains on them and run a more sensible production. But the longer I observe, the more I’m okay with the lack of rhyme or reason. So it might be Black Mirror inside my head, but they say life imitates art...and I don’t know if you guys have seen the world lately, but I think it’s partly based on my brain’s play. I guess all I’m saying is: Don’t be scared of the wispy ghosts and creepypasta monsters in your head; they are part of you—they’re just doing their jobs—but they are not YOU. Also, come see my weird play, tickets available at the link in my brain.
füt nöt: This was one of my favorite Instagram captions that I wrote last year, so I’m reposting it here, because it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want and you can’t stop me wheeee.