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The enlightenment came in the form of a sign.
A bathroom sign, that is.
Like, a literal sign hanging on the wall across from the toilet in one of the bathrooms at the Integratron, a nexus of New Age activities for open-minded pilgrims (i.e., stressed out Angelenos) seeking solace in Joshua Tree.
“You cant ‘find yourself’ because you never lost yourself” was the gist of it. “You’re just returning to yourself.” You know, the whole it-was-there-inside-you-all-along! twist ending of every motivational speech. Which, when you think about it, is also eerily similar to every horror movie about internal parasites, but I digress.
Honestly, though, as far as bathroom signs go, this one felt pretty resonant, especially considering I’d been silently chanting “you are always you” to myself during the outdoor sound bath under the night sky at this weird UFO-shaped building in the desert.
I like to say I’m a healthy mix of woo-woo and rational. I meditate on how things feel inside my body, and I go into nature to ground myself and literally hug trees. I say a lot of mantras to myself. I love organic food and get obsessed with things like einkorn (“man’s first wheat”! The most ancient grain! The grain of everlasting life!). I visualize scenarios like placing balls of light into my chest. I once paid a stranger $250 to “move my energy around.”
But I also like, eat Cheetos and don’t believe in God. I trust science and reason. I like analyzing things to death. And, best of all, I’ve learned over the course of 34 years how to logic myself out of all my feelings so that I feel superior to my softer self, but deeply numb and empty.
So this juxtaposition — or maybe it’s equanimity — of New Age crystal-hugger meets analytical smarty-pants (who do have one thing in common: you want to punch both in the face) makes me a prime candidate for enlightening bathroom decor. I am the first to ridicule the empty generality and mad-lib-like quality of such a statement about finding yourself, as well as the first to look at it wide-eyed and go “wowww, so true, that’s deep.”
But.
It is true, right? You can’t find something you never lost. Everything you need — everything you are — is always inside you; ergo, you’re simply recovering truths and facets of yourself. Reacquainting with the creative self, with the vulnerable self, with the outgoing vivacious ray of light self that just flickered out over time. Digging up the wounded inner child by opening your third-eye chakra at a nighttime sound bath in the desert, etc. etc.
Yeah, it’s corny, but so are a lot of axioms; corniness doesn’t negate truth or wisdom. There can be a lot of value in a stupid sign across from a toilet, a sign that uses a font that makes you want to cut your eyes out. Sometimes, a sign is just a sign. But, sometimes, a sign is, well, a
(੭´･ᵕ･ )੭ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *sign* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧